Infektia.net

I was actually chocked a few minutes ago. I was checking the Whois.net to see when hackgrrl.com expires. It expires already the 20th February. In less than a month that is. I guess Im going to let it expire without renewing it. My two forums (experiments), the ptr site and the cam portal will disappear. I don’t think anyone will miss them. I didn’t think it would expire so soon…
The question is what Im going to do with the webhosting I paid for, I renewed that a couple of months ago, and with bemysuicide.org also expiring in April, there is nothing I can do with the space…

And about my job, Im not so sure it will work out. Im feeling more and more depressed about it and I don’t think I can manage it. I just have to face it, Im not a webdesigner, not a professional one anyway, and I never will be. Sure I can make some fab layouts once in a while, but can I do it for a living? I don’t think so. So what should I do? Tell them I want to quit a month after they offered me the job? Or should I stick with it and see myself digging the black hole even deeper and eventually kill myself? (Okay I exaggerated a little bit there in the end). I just think about it every night when Im trying to sleep and it only gives me more and more anxiety. And what’s giving me even more anxiety is that I have to tell them I give up, that I can’t do it, that they will be so disappointed in me. What the fuck should I do?

What the fuck should I do with my fucking life?

I wish I could just shake my fist against all of this and then it would be over. But I can’t, and the end is near.