Infektia.net

This whole week I have been staying at home from work. I fell down in to my dark personal hell, I got really depressed. So depressed that I got physical pain, anxiety/panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. It’s not until today I feel a little bit better, I had to raise the medicine dose as well and I feared that I had to go to the doctor and get another kind of medication.

In fact, I have an appointment tomorrow but as of now, I feel that I don’t need to, I actually feel strong enough to fight the rest of it by myself. Sometimes it just gets to me that I probably have to live with these kind of episodes for the rest of my life.

Last year in August I had the same episode and it lasted over a month (so no work at all during a month) at that time several personal things happened that caused it, this time I can’t think of anything that could have caused it, nothing happened lately that could have made me upset. It’s strange.

Sometimes I just feel like I would like to get some lab equipment and open my brain up, fix some broken wires and then sew it all up again. And then I could live my life with the ups and downs normal people have.

Perhaps I should find a support group online. But where? Google only gives me dead ones or those ones where the teens show their bloody wrists. If anyone has an idea of where I can look, please let me know!

Photo: kikaz